Chapter 16

I had come to a profound conclusion: I had the most complicated life in the world.

Firstly, I had a fatal curse. Secondly, my longtime best friend was imaginary. Thirdly, the guy whom I love so much is dying.

Everything in my world seemed to collapse all of a sudden. I skipped school one day and visited Jacky. My classmates kept on asking me to go for the last full-dress rehearsal of the play but I declined. What good can a stupid play do now?

Jacky, as usual, was snoring his head off in the morning. I refilled the water in the flask, bought fruits to top up the basket and dug out a book to read. It had been a long while since I had read a book. The book was entitled "Destiny’s Cries",a romantic love story set in Singapore written by Low Kay Hwa. Not too long ago, someone (I forgot who) introduced the book to me but I had refused to read it. Now, in this forlorn ward occupied only by Jacky and me, I began reading the first page.

I spent my morning listening to Jacky’s snores and reading the book. Amazingly, I finished the book within a few hours and was crying at the ending.

The story was about a guy, Alan, who found a girl, Destiny, at a rooftop. Alan went to the rooftop another day and saw Destiny again, and realized later in the story that Destiny had always been waiting for him there. But when they fell in love, trials and tribulations appeared and Alan was faced with a challenge that would test his love forever.

I began to peel an apple, hungry after all the reading. When I was done, Jacky moved and opened his eyes. When he saw the apple in my hand, he reached for it.

"Great, an apple a day keeps the doctor away."He said."You’re good. Whenever an apple is peeled, its colour will change within a few minutes. Yours, your apple’s colour is always so fresh."

I shook my head weakly, saying nothing. My phone rang again but I rejected the call. "Those classmates of ours are asking me to go for the play." I explained. Everyone knew of his condition by now. Most of them visited him during evenings as they had commitments in the afternoon.

"Go. Go and get a trophy for me."

"I don’t wanna-"

"I wanna see the trophy when I wake up." He said."Come back again when you’re done with the rehearsal. Go."

I fought my compulsion and stood up.

"Make sure you get the trophy. Make sure you get it."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The rehearsal went by smoothly.

Our lecturers decided to add a special program on the day of the play. They wanted every one of us to dedicate a message to Jacky on stage. Many of my classmates instantly composed a message. I sat in a corner and thought of what to say on the actual day. Then I borrowed a pen from Michael and slowly, I penned my message.

The play was scheduled for next Monday, four days after Jacky’s surgery. I kept on wondering whether I would be smiling or crying on that day.

After we were done with writing our messages, I went off to the hospital again. Jacky had one more week left, and I was going to make full use of that one week.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Jacky was reading a magazine when I reached his ward.

He smiled upon my entrance. But his smile seemed to be too wide, too forced. Something was wrong. I sat beside him and said nothing. I did not know what to say. He had always been the one starting the conversation. Not me.

"I’m going for the surgery on Thursday, 2pm. September 25, 2003." He said.

"I know."

"Curse me."

I nearly dropped myself onto the floor. Butterflies flew around in my empty stomach and my tongue stuck out without my control. What did he just say? Curse him!?

"Curse me. Say I’ll never wake up from my operation. Say I’ll be in coma forever after my surgery." He said indifferently.

I balled my hand into a fist. How can he play with my curse like that! I could hear the loud and fast thumping of my heart. "It’s not a joke. It’s not a funny matter. Don’t mess around with my curse."

"You don’t have a curse and I’m going to prove it to you. I’m going to wake up on Thursday night, a living proof that your so-called curse is a mental illness called Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Landy is one good example that you’re suffering from a mental illness"

"You’ll-" I stopped. I was going to say the word "die"but I managed to hold back in time. "Don’t." I whispered. As I discovered my curse a long time ago, I had realised by now that the only way to prevent me from cursing anyone in a quarrel is by walking away.

Without saying anything further, I dashed for the exit.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Jacky’s mother called me a few hours later. Her voice was hoarse and choky. I was sitting at the cafeteria of the hospital, gazing at every single person who bought anything from the fruits stall.

"Jacky decided not to have the operation." She was saying. Every time she called me, it was always bad news. How I hoped I had not picked up any of her calls. "He said the reason is because of you. What happened?"

I wanted so much to explain over the phone, but it would take a long time. "Leave it to me. I’ll go talk to him now."

I puffed on two cigarettes outside the hospital, mustered all my courage, then went to the ward again.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

As I predicted, Jacky’s mother was inside the ward, talking to Jacky. Jacky was chewing on an unpeeled apple. "Ah, here comes the expert in apple-peeling"

Jacky’s mother was expressionless. She glared at me for a while, sighed loudly and went out of the ward. I was alone with Jacky again. He was still biting his apple. "My mum doesn’t really know how to peel an apple. So I have it unpeeled."

I was lost for words. Sometimes, I wondered if everything had been a plot. How could he still be so jovial when he knew he was dying soon?

"Go for the surgery." I advised.

"Curse me."

"Go for the surg"

"Curse me. You can do it. Curse me, and I’ll go for it."

What could I say? It was like him asking me to kill him. But if I don’t curse him, and he doesn’t undergo the surgery, the percentage of his survival is zero. But if I curse him…

"I’m going to wake up. Trust me. I’m going to prove to you that your curses are nothing but mind games. I’m going to prove to you that. Come one, curse me. If not I’ve only got a few more months to live."

You’ll die with my curse! My curses are curses, not some simple mental illness!

I was put in the most difficult position in my life. I thought hard. Both decisions would leave me on a losing end. I felt like running around the ward now, shouting and screaming at the top of my voice.

"You don’t fuck around with my curse.” I said softly and took out my pack of Marlboro, but it was empty. Throwing it to a side, I whipped out my lighter and tossed it away as well. I was really desperate for a puff of tobacco now. "Will you really wake up?" I asked. What a stupid question. I had lost control of myself. My lips were shaking and really, I felt like jumping onto Jacky and slapping his face for a million times.

"Yes."

I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply. I did not let out my breath, staying in that position for a long period of time. When I finally exhaled, I began to say something.

"Then you bastard, you fucking bastard, you’re not going to wake up once you undergo the surgery. You’re going to get into a deep coma, and then your body will be cemented like some fish in the market."

I said that.

I just cursed Jacky to death.

Oh, fuck you, Joanna Fung Wai Gwan

Chapter 17

I washed my tears at the sink. I did not dare to look at the mirror, for I knew in the reflection stood a murderer.

Jacky is dying.

I suddenly wanted to talk to someone, but who could I talk to? I had only grandmother to talk to now, but I did not feel it appropriate to talk to her about this.

In the end, with my eyes still swollen from the crying, I went back to the ward. Jacky smiled when he saw me, waving the book “Destiny’s Cries” on his hand. “Nice book, isn’t it?"

I said nothing. I sat beside him, confused over what I had done. My curses always come true, isn’t that the case? Always…

"Look at you. You’ve cried so much that your eyes are like tomatoes. Come; let me tell you a joke. Remember that day?"

Which day was he referring to? He acted as if I could remember every day.

"You know, that day, when I went on stage and said a joke, and you didn’t laugh?"

Oh. That day.

"You weren’t listening to me that day, right? Okay, I’m going to do an encore of it. You remain seated." He pushed his blanket away. I was blinking fast, feeling an unusual pain in my eyes. Then he stood on the bed. I could see his legs shaking, not sure because of his fear or his cancerous cells.

"What the-" I pushed my chair away."Come down! What are you doing? It’s dangerous!"

"Miss Joanna Fung, sit down, if not, I’ll keep on standing here till you sit down. Now, I’m going to repeat my performance on 27th March 2001!"

I sank into my seat. He still remembers the exact date? Gosh. He’s… amazing.

"There was once a matchstick who scratched its head. Then it died"

I could not believe he was doing all these. The joke was funny – in fact, very funny – but I was in no mood to laugh. Before I could say anything, he cut in again.

He pointed at me and said, "That girl didn’t laugh." Then he jumped a step, lowered his eyebrows and raised the pitch of his voice. "Which girl?" Again he jumped a step and said in his normal voice, "That girl with the glasses and long hair." In a high pitched voice: "You mean the girl with tied up hair?" His voice: "Yeah, that’s the one. She never laughs!" High pitched: "Joanna! You didn’t laugh?"

Finally he jumped one more step and clapped his hand. He seemed to be more active now, but he was panting softly. He darted his eyes onto mine, and this time, he said very softly, "Joanna, can you please wake up from your dreams and laugh at my joke? I beg you."

I lay back on my seat and started shaking with uncontrollable laughter. He was replaying that day so brilliantly, as if we had taken a trip back in time. Suddenly I could smell the scent of that very day: The laughter of my classmates, my anger when he pointed at me and the embarrassment when I "laughed" sarcastically. It all came back like a bolt of lightning.

Jacky seemed exhausted. He beamed weakly, and slowly, lay back on the bed. Beads of sweat were escaping from his forehead.

"You laughed." He said. "You laughed. That’s nice. It’s been so long since I hear you laughing. Can you do me a favour?"

Actually, I knew exactly what he was going to say next. Still, I asked, “What?”

"Laugh more often."

"I want you to hear my laughter." I proclaimed. I was shaking my head, biting my teeth. That bastard. If he survives, I’m willing to do even a hundred favours for him. "Just… survive."

"Alright, I promise. You promise as well, okay?" he whipped out his last finger.

I crossed my last finger with his. "I promise."

You silly boy, just survive.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

On Saturday, I went to the hospital early in the morning. As I had predicted, Jacky was sleeping. So I peeled an apple for my breakfast and before I could take a bite, I heard his voice.

"Ah, an apple for breakfast. How nice.” He held out his hand, as if waiting for me to pass him the apple.

I gave it to him. Soon after that, we started chatting. I tried not to talk about the surgery, but somehow, in the mist of the chat, I still blurted it accidentally.

"It’s an easy operation.” He told me, his face beaming with confidence. "They’d just open up my skull, pull out the rock and sew my head back."

I said nothing and so he reached for the drawer. I helped him open it and saw a familiar watch inside. “Can you take out the watch?” His hand was shaking. Gosh oh gosh, I suddenly remembered what the doctor once said.

"He’s slowly losing his ability to co-ordinate his muscle movements due to the cancer cells in his cerebellum. Just don’t let him do strenuous movements"

I held the watch in my hand. It was the watch that he had given me for my birthday, the watch that I had thrown away in anger. Yet it still looked so new, as if it had just been cleaned.

"I really needed to pee that day. That’s why I ran off in such a hurry. I wasn’t embarrassed!"

"Okay, I believe you."

"And er… remember the twenty bucks that I owe you?"

"Twenty bucks?"

"Yeah. That day when I needed a taxi to go home. Look, my wallet is-"

"Can you return it to me after your surgery?" I interrupted. "Please."

He shrugged, laughing. "Okay. Gosh, I’ll wake up with a large load of debts."

"Just one."

"I also promised my mother that I’ll return her with a lifetime of love after I’ve wake up."

"Oh."

Can you also return me with a lifetime of love after you’ve wake up?

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Someone once told me the longest wait is not created by the amount of time passed, but by your mind.

I was sitting beside Jacky, peeling another apple. He could not eat, for he would be undergoing the surgery in an hour’s time. I took a bite out of my apple and understood why he was so keen on eating these apples: The taste was a balanced combination of sweet and sour.

Jacky smiled, as if he was reading my mind. His face was an obvious victim of cancer: His bright and round eyes had veins snaking around. He must have lost at least three kilograms within this week.

"One more hour." He whispered. Or maybe he was shouting. That was his loudest voice.

"One more hour" I replied.

And so, we spent the next thirty minutes chatting about anything and everything. He told me about his mother, and I thanked him for bringing my grandmother back into my life.

"I didn’t do much. She was always beside you. You just didn’t notice her till now."

As usual, he was that modest. Suddenly, he asked, "Can I hold your hand?"

I blushed and did not reply. However, my right hand automatically reached for him. And then we locked our hands.

"Wait for me, okay?"

I nodded.

"I’ll be back. So don’t you run off! I’m still the sun, shining on you, the flower. I’ll be back once the cloud moves away. Wait, just wait, okay?""

I turned my head to prevent him from seeing my teary eyes. A nurse came in, and for that moment I wanted to yell unlimited curses at the nurse. But I stopped myself and turned to Jacky.

"Hello, you’d better come back. Even if you’re in hell or heaven, or any other place, you’d better come back here. Because I’ll" I could not continue. I paused, gave myself a breather, and said, "I’ll be here, waiting for you."

He let go of my hand and used a finger to poke my hand. It was his last finger, intimating me to shake it. I held out my last finger as well and we locked finger, shaking up and down.

"I promise."

"I promise too."

And as he was wheeled off, I experienced the longest wait in my life.

Ok Done wIf THe StorY...But still Got Chapter 18,19,20....but tis 3 chapters i hav to respect the author cos it not published on net....so cannot post @ blog...haaaa
for those who wan can juz email me @ evonne1984_887@hotmail.com....Subject :reQest for Chapter 18-20 will do...

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